Depression is a bitch, it holds you back from doing what you want to because it feels like a waste of effort and energy. It has put my life in a deadlock that makes me even more depressed when i watch the days waste by and feel powerless to change it.
I have researched far and wide on how to combat these issues and, sadly, i have to say i really havent found anything that helps, except for exercising. Almost a year ago, i used to go to this martial arts gym about a half-hour away from where i lived and it was $150 a month! It was owned by a martial artist who made a small debut in the UFC. Everyday, i did one hour of MMA and one hours of Jui Jitzu. Sometimes I would still go after long shifts at work. I had bought a punching bag months prior to work out at home, so i assumed that I would enjoy the striking and not be so passionate about the grappling. I actually enjoyed the wrestling more than i did the striking, which surprised me. I was also a constant pot user and would often smoke after sessions. Still to this day i havent felt as happy as i did when i was working out for two hours every day.
I eventually couldnt afford it anymore as i needed the money for a car. This was also around the time that my parents were getting more and more abusive. So, once i stopped going and my parents began to be more abusive, i began smoking so much weed that i would have panic attacks. Still to this day i havent been able to smoke weed due to my bad reactions. I plan to exercise more and more to help with the stress and mental torture that i've been experiencing for the past year. The problem is that when you are under so much depression and stress and are so uncomfortable all the time, exercising feels like you are purposefully adding more weight onto your back for you to carry. It ultimately is benefitial in the end but it is a lot of suffering to go through with it.
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3/13/26