All through out school, i was always put down and outcasted. But for a while, i never really cared much about what people thought about me and just kept all of the emotion inside. This continued on for every section of schooling. Until i thought about, if so many people are telling me the same thing, then what if they are right. So every time i was put down by someone i always assume that they were right and would be incredibly ashamed. They were right, the ways i was acting were not acceptable and i didnt listen. This is mostly because my parents acted the same way which was like retards.
But now, in the present, i am mostly normal but i still feel the instinctual nerve to surrender the moment i am being emotionally attacked by someone. I was playing counter-strike with one of my friends when this dude was being a real asshole to me, we where shit talking then he said something that made me angry and i became incrediably flusted and my heart would start beating out of my chest. I was unable to comeback with anything good like i would have if i was calm. The reason this affected my so much is because when ever someone at school would make a remark, not matter what i said, it would just make it better and better for them and i was always wrong no matter what. If i did something in class and messed up like if i was in an argument with someone and i made a point that made their point stronger, they would scould me and completely humiliate me and they would never forget.
A couple months in the future i started playing l4d2 with a friend group, but this time, almost every lobby is filled with toxic losers. Over time i began to not be as affected by their words and began to keep my cool. I began to actually believe that anyone who says something with a lot of energy or confience isnt always right and im not always wrong.
20
4/24/26