It feels as if im running off of gas that doesnt exist. Doing anything, even if it is something i am interested in doing, feels like i'm spending money i dont have.
Do you remember those pits made from foam cubes? They are often found at trampoline parks or acrobatic centers. Try to remember what it felt like to get deeply intrench in the foam and tried to swim out, all the energy you put in goes nowhere and it fatigues your arms and legs until its feels like you'll never make it out. That's how i've felt for at least the last two years.
I've been having thoughts and experiences i've wanted to write down for a while now but couldn't find the energy to do it. I forget so much like this because my only goal is just to get through it. It feels like time is non-linear and just a abstract collection of unrelated thought and imagery. It feels like an enemy you cant even see, hear, or feel but know is there.
16
4/24/26